I won't wear stiletto shoes outside because I'm afraid I'll strike oil....

Have you ever seen the sitcom, According to Jim with Jim Belushi? I have a great storyline for the show. Imagine that the family is going on vacation. They are spending a week in Cancun, and Jim’s sister-in-law, played by Kimberly Williams-Paisley teases Jim about being so white that people will be blinded once he takes his shirt off at the beach. Predictably, Jim goes to a tanning salon to build a bit of a tan before his pastiness effects the vision of hundreds of beach going innocents. While he’s in the tanning bed, the camera is focused solely on his face. He’s lying in the tanning bed struggling with his goggles waiting for the lights to come on... when you hear the sound of breaking glass and his eyes widen. Yep, the plexiglas has cracked under the weight of Jim’s ass. The show goes on with Jim howling in pain and being wheeled into the emergency room where a beautiful Asian nurse giggles uncontrollably while using tweezers to remove tiny pieces of glass from Jim’s butt. Jim spends his vacation lying on his stomach and unable to sit due to the stitches in his ass.

This is a true story, only the role of Jim was played by me, the vacation was to Cozumel, and I didn’t actually have to have glass picked out of my ass by a nurse. I cried. The poor girl that worked at the tanning salon didn’t know what to do, and obviously felt sorry for me. She said to her knowledge that had never happened before, and wanted me to use one of the stand-up booths. When I came out she had been on the phone with the store owner who explained that the Plexiglas becomes brittle after months and months of being heated and cooled, and occasionally this happens. I’m sure they’re right, but I still felt … Wretched. They did upgrade my package to the standing booth for free, as I refused to use the bed again.

There are many reasons to want to lose weight. My health and appearance are among them, but one that’s equally important is my general happiness. I feel bad about myself, due to my size, and I often have stories of things that happen to me that would make anyone else feel bad too. In order to deal, I try to make them funny. They may be funny only to people who know me well, or people who can sympathize, but I may post a few on here, such as this one. It’s ok to laugh. I cried at the time, but I laugh now :)